Saturday, 15 December 2012

Death Race Trolley Thousand

I would like to know what happens to people once they take charge of a shopping trolley, fair enough they can have a dodgy wheel, it may pull to one side, but once in the confines of a supermarket, trolley drivers become a breed of animals with no rules or care for others.

My guess is that many of them are car drivers, and being a driver they obviously have to follow the rules of the road, that means stopping at lights, indicating when turning corners, giving way when they need to. Once they have that horizontal bar in their hands all the rules of driving go out of the window, they don't care who they bash into, force their way through gaps that are far too small for them, and generally act like maniacs that would have no place on the road. It's when I am in the queue to be served, and the person behind me is constantly nudging me forward with their trolley bugs me, like it's going to make any difference as to how quickly they are going to be served. Best way to deal with this is to put your foot on the front wheel of the offending trolley, thus preventing any more forward movement, the puzzled look on the pushers face is priceless.

I must admit that if the supermarket is relatively empty, I will swing my trolley around, leave it in the middle of aisles and generally mess about with it. But once there are other people around I am courteous to others, often waiting to let people pass me, make sure that there are not people behind me if I am going to stop and gaze upon the shelves of delight.

Maybe I am in the minority in this behaviour, or that people are just ignorant when it comes to doing their shopping. It's almost like something primal takes over and they have to be there first, or the supermarket is solely for them while they are there and the rest of us are just in the way. Anyway supermarkets are a necessary evil in our modern life and trolley rage comes with that. Next time someone pisses you off in a supermarket, throw something special into their trolley, let them explain that at the checkout.

Maybe the next stage will having them fitted with spikes so you can ram people out of the way when you are rushing to get your chicken nuggets and low fat yoghurt, scoring you special club points for how many pensioners hips you can dislocate, whilst loading up your trolley with as many boxes of highly nutritious microwavable shit for one. Better ring Channel 4, they might give me a series.

on your marks, get set, it's all mine

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